Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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