Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
one two three fourrrrnication!
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
