I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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