my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
