# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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