I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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