Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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