Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
My balls are so social today.
we're making bets on your personal life
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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