apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
