Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
pray to the hookup gods
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
