Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
