I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
