Ketchup is God's man juice
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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