Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
