Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
So here I am, sexting at work.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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