haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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