No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
my poor anus
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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