My sheets look like a crime scene.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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