Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
