I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
