3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
