i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
