yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
