I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
