my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
did i just pee glitter
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
