can u get pink eye on your cock?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
