Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
