wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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