either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
