peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
