Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
