I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
