Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
