I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
