Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
