I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
