i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
