So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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