New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
