i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Randomize
