Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
