How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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