My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
