sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
