why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
