you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
