I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize