There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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