jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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