I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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