i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i think my mom watched the whole time
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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