I puked a lego.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
