i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
