I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
